In a surprise announcement this week, the Florida Department of Transportation declared the ongoing construction along Fruitville Road a “Permanent Heritage Project,” citing its unique contribution to the city’s urban rhythm. According to officials, the project will never be truly finished, ensuring that future generations can continue experiencing the meditative joy of perpetual construction. To keep the experience fresh, officials promise to continue reorganizing lanes, repainting lines and conducting other spontaneous traffic pattern experiments designed to make Fruitville feel like an ever-changing work of art. 

The announcement comes with a few perks for locals and visitors alike. Guided tours of the construction zones will begin this spring, and for those eager to leave a personal imprint on this historic installation, there’s even an option to sponsor a cone. 

Not everyone is thrilled. A coalition of frustrated drivers has launched a petition urging leaders to “finish something, anything,” arguing that the project’s historical significance might be lost if nobody can reach their destination on time. City planners remain confident, saying, “Fruitville Road is more than your primary connector between I-75 and downtown—it’s a statement. And some statements are meant to last forever.”

(April Fool!)