Online dating: a realm where a single photo or phrase can determine whether someone swipes right toward romantic possibility or left into "see ya never"-land. In theory, it should be easier than ever to make a great first impression online. In reality, many profiles fail to do so.

Lydia Kociuba, founder of Hidden Gem Profiles, has spent nearly a decade helping people nationwide craft online dating profiles that work. She’s seen it all, and repeatedly—from the infamous fish photos that have become a cultural phenomenon to bios that read like a jaded job posting. And with Valentine’s Day around the corner, this may be the right time to spruce up your online dating profile and inspire the right swipes.

The Issues: Profiles With Demands, Car Selfies, Filters

Some first-hand research on dating app users reveals some common pain points. 

Women complain about those fish photos, hunting pictures, endless car selfies and profiles with demands ("Must be this tall," "Must be ambitious"). Men, on the other hand, grumble about excessive filters (especially the ones with animal ears), face-only shots, and the somehow-still-popular “duck lips” face.

And both sides agree that they don’t like bios full of clichés that say little about the person behind the pics, like “I love to laugh,” “I love good food and drinks,” “I love my friends and family.”

So why do people keep making these mistakes? Kociuba says it often comes down to a mix of laziness and misinterpretation. “A lot of people don’t write anything at all, or they’re coming from a defensive place, so their profiles can look disinterested,” she says. “People want to see effort. A well-written, thoughtful profile signals maturity and confidence.”

Fix No. 1: Be Specific and Show, Don’t Tell

Instead of listing generic interests, Kociuba advises adding personality to your profile by explaining why you like something. “Everyone says they love the beach,” she says. “But what is it about the beach? The sound of the waves? The chance to surf at sunrise? The fact that it reminds you of childhood vacations? Those details matter.”

Another key element? Values. “People talk about activities, but they leave out what’s actually important to them,” she says. “That’s where real connections happen.”

Fix No. 2: No Fish, No Filters, No Exes

When it comes to photos, the goal is to appear as natural and approachable as possible. Kociuba’s golden rule? “Look like you care.” That means no mirror selfies, no filters, and no poorly cropped group photos in which an ex has been sloppily edited out.

She suggests a simple formula: four to five photos, including a clear face shot, a full-body image, and at least one picture that shows you engaged in a hobby or social setting. “It doesn’t need to be a professional photo shoot,” she says. “But effort goes a long way.”

As for the infamous men-holding-a-just-caught-fish photos? “If you’re actually an avid fisherman, work that into your bio with a little humor—‘fish pics available upon request,’" Kociuba says. "But if it’s just a random picture you happen to have, skip it.”

Other Things to Consider

Be Specific

People want to see others who put themselves out there, Kociuba says. It makes them feel like they can do the same. "Whether two people hit it off in real life is another story, but having strong conversation starters is key," she says.

Take Real-Life Photos

Professional photographers can capture natural, candid shots—like someone walking down the street or sitting at a café—so you can actually see what someone looks like in a real setting. "I encourage professional photos, but even a well-taken picture by a friend works," Kociuba says. "The goal is to show that you’re invested in dating."

No Mirror Selfies

Kociuba doesn't mince words here. "A mirror selfie is lazy," she says. "If you need a photo of yourself, set up your phone somewhere and use a timer. Make it look like someone else took it. The effort behind it tells a story. And please—no toiletries in the background."

On What to Share (Or Not)

If something is truly a dealbreaker—politics, religion—mention it in your bio. But if you’re flexible, save it for later. Most apps have checkboxes for this. "There’s a nuance between being too vague and trying to appeal to everyone and being specific enough to attract the right people," Kociuba says.

Save the Humor for Real Life

"People worry that being goofy or funny will be misinterpreted, and sometimes it is," Kociuba says. "If you’re not actually that funny in real life, your profile shouldn’t pretend you are. Save the humor for [in-person] conversations. If you’re serious about dating, take your profile seriously."

What to Avoid

"Leave the topless and bikini pics behind. If a pet is a big part of your life, sure, include a photo. But keep family and kids out of it—figure that out later. Dating profiles should be focused on you," Kociuba says. (Most apps ask about family, anyway.) 

Be Clear

A lot of the negativity around online dating comes from inauthenticity—age, hair color baldness. "Men, take off the hat," Kociuba advises. "If your main photo has sunglasses, swap it for one where we can actually see your face. Your main picture needs to be clear."

One Quick Tip to Improve Your Profile Right Now

Find a prompt and write a full sentence. Avoid lists. Instead of “I like hiking, coffee, movies, and travel,” pick one or two and go deeper: “I love hiking because nothing beats that first breath of mountain air.” 

Bonus: Kociuba's Handy “Do This, Not That” Cheat Sheet 

Do This: Write in full sentences and explain why you like things. Not That: Use generic lists (“I like hiking, coffee and Netflix”).

Do This: Show yourself in a variety of settings. Not That: Post nothing but selfies, gym photos or vacation shots.

Do This: Keep your photos up to date and honest. Not That: Use grainy, outdated or tiny pictures—or worse, mislead people entirely.

Do This: Put effort into your profile—it’s your personal brand. Not That: Treat it like an afterthought and wonder why you’re not getting matches.