It’s never easy getting back into the dating game after divorce. We hear it every day from divorced clients; the thought of dating is terrifying, especially in today’s society with the swipe-left, swipe-right mentality. While it seems like dating can be literally right at your fingertips, it’s not exactly ideal for the older, more mature population. Someone who has been out of the dating game for years, maybe even decades, doesn’t need a computer algorithm to help match them with a potential partner. They need a personal connection and a coach who can guide them through the beginning phases of dating and find them someone who has real potential. Listed below are My Top Matchmaker’s seven steps to successful dating after divorce.
Step 1: Make Sure You’re Over Your Ex
Divorce is hard. You shared a life with someone, maybe you have kids together, shared a home, finances, vacations, years and years of memories were collected. Then one day, poof!—your life is different. The first step to successful dating after divorce is making sure you are actually over your ex. You cannot waste your time—and someone else’s—building the foundations of a relationship only to realize weeks or months later you still need time to heal from your previous relationship. Letting go of any resentment and finding a healthy emotional state of mind is key to being ready to date after a divorce.
Step 2: Laugh at the Bad Dates
If you go on a date and it is just awful, instead of picking it to pieces and wondering what went wrong and how you could have done better, laugh at it! It’s OK to laugh at the bad dates! It is unrealistic to expect every date to be a good date—just go into it with an open mindset.
Step 3: Age Matters, Even If You Think It Doesn’t
Men, here is the harsh truth. Dating the (much) younger, hot blonde you met online as you were boasting about your hefty bank account is rarely going to work out in the long run. We get it, you’ve been with the same woman for X amount of years and now you are single for the first time in what seems like forever—so dating the younger gal to make everyone around you jealous seems OK. It’s not. If you think the girl who is 10-plus years younger than you is your type, think again. As professional matchmakers, we have seen this time and time again and eventually, the guys realize that the type they thought they wanted wasn’t actually the type who was right for them. Let us do the work for you. We promise we probably know your type better than you.
Women: the “cougar” appeal only lasts so long. Dating a younger guy who is full of energy and adventure sounds great, but the reality is that anyone who is 10 or more years younger than you is often in a much different place mentally and emotionally than you are. Don’t be afraid to date someone your age or a little older, you’ll be surprised by what fun can still be had.
Step 4: Don’t Fear Feelings
It’s normal to be in your head about your feelings. As you start dating, don’t be afraid to follow your instincts and listen to your heart. If you like the first person you start dating, great; if something just doesn’t click, break it off. The first person you meet after your divorce most likely won’t be your next true love, and it’s OK. Dip your toes in the water, ease into dating, and see what you are really looking for in a relationship. We know it can be scary, but don’t be afraid to keep looking…and no settling!
Step 5: Learn Your Talking Points
This is one of the most important steps. While you should never hide the fact that you have children or grandchildren, don’t make this your main talking point. Also, make sure to not discuss your ex and your divorce in detail. Your new partner will not want to hear the details of that relationship, especially at the beginning stages of a new romance. Politics are also obviously a very sensitive subject in today’s world. If politics are something you are passionate about, we strongly advise against bringing it up on the first date. Get a feel for what your date believes in before taking on the politics discussion. Make sure to ask questions and engage in conversation, because the quicker you both open up, the faster you will be able to see if the relationship can—and should—progress.
Step 6: Find a Love Life Administrator to Help You on Your New Dating Journey
Online dating is not all that it is cracked up to be. Investing in a personal matchmaker who doubles as a dating coach is smart. A personal matchmaker can help guide you through the dating process and the matches are much more realistic. It is important to have someone who you can discuss your personal needs and desires with as you look for new love. With online dating, a computer matches you based on questions you answer; there is no real emotion in that process. A personal matchmaker gets a true understanding of who you are and what you are looking for during your consultation and individual meetings.
Step 7: Don’t Rush Intimacy
One of the biggest mistakes people can make after a divorce is jumping into a physical relationship too soon. While intimacy is very important in a relationship, set boundaries in the beginning. Have an emotional connection with someone before you introduce a physical one. Sex can complicate a relationship, and if you aren’t sure about your future with someone, it’s best to determine the relationship’s course before taking the next step.
Utilizing the seven steps listed above will help guide you through the beginning phases of dating after divorce. If you are in the Southwest Florida region and are looking for a dating coach or are interested in being introduced to a special someone, contact My Top Matchmaker today!
Mimi Lee, Professional Matchmaker
Locally owned and operated:
3131 S Tamiami Trail, Suite 206
Sarasota, FL, 34239
To book a free and fun consultation, call or email: (941) 773-9527, [email protected]