By staff June 24, 2008

Without e-mail or Internet, I turn to—pizza.

By Judi Gallagher


My idea of technology is having a convection roast and convection bake setting on my oven. Using the meat probe was like getting a doctoral in roasting, and forget the plastic shelving for bacon and popcorn in the microwave--too much reading and positioning. Besides, I believe God created the microwave to reheat only Chinese food and mashed potatoes --I dare not get the newly created disease “popcorn lung” just to try the newest gadget in my expensive contraption. So now that you get that I don’t get technology, you will understand my meltdown this week.


First I woke up to find out my e-mail was down. To make matters worse, my Blackberry, aka crackberry, crashed and needed a password to be reset- of course only the crackberry hot line in a foreign country could help me so I sat, stressed and on hold for 20 minutes, and then they guided me through step by step. I now understand why people say my recipes sometimes might be too complicated for them--I take for granted that readers can pan sear a snapper or zest a lemon. I suppose if I asked a computer geek if he had a microplane he would give me the same look I gave into the phone several times when they asked me to click on the disk k generated in the backup log under computer analog. Yeah, while I am doing that why don’t you take a side of cattle and break down the tenderloin?


Eventually the e-mails came back and the Blackberry started firing out all the ridiculous spam it could bubble over, so I did the right thing-- I left the darn things back in the office, went out for a pizza at Cosimo’s and returned to find my wireless Internet no longer worked. Crisis intervention took over- I ordered my son to whip up a batch of Ruth’s buttery pancakes for my assistant and me (recipe in Gourmet Magazine cookbook) and we ate our luscious pancakes with Vermont maple syrup while on hold to India with Comcast.
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