We all know how to get rid of a misbehaving spouse—that’s what good divorce lawyers are for. But before you go there, you need to assess whether or not the marriage is worth saving. Lynn R. Bernstein, a Ph.D. behavioral therapist who practices in Osprey and Englewood, asks her patients to answer the following questions as objectively as they would if the relationship were an item in a closet: Is it loose around the edges? Has the color faded? Does it fit in all the right places? Have you seen it around others a lot? Did you promise you would keep it forever? Is it an obligation or a choice: a have-to or a want-to? Are you ashamed to take it to a party? If it were gone, would you miss it?

            “A relationship is just like a worn-out old chair,” Bernstein explains. “If the patches have not helped, the sparkle is gone, the desire is subdued and there’s no life to resuscitate, then it’s time to let go of a misbehaving husband.”

Bernstein tells patients to look into the future. "Statistics now tell us we will live until 100," she explains. "It's better to learn to look forward to new changes than to continue looking backward to the old. If you’ve tried your best and it’s still not working, move on.” 

FURS: Sarasota’s once-a-year excesses

It hardly pays to keep a fur in storage here, but if you don’t, it will probably decrease in value. McClure says a 20-year-old coat that hasn’t been kept in cold storage is worth nothing. All the local charities we interviewed say they pass furs they receive as donations on to consignment shops like Encore and Designing Women. “In winter you have a chance of selling your fur to Northerners who shop the estate sales and resale stores; a local resident might buy one to send up North,” McClure explains.  Another option is to send your sable or mink to a relative in a colder climate who will sell it for you.

HOUSEHOLD GOODS

Ever wonder if there really is a difference between estate and garage sales?

If your entire sale will bring in $1,500 or less, it’s probably a garage sale. Fine furniture, antiques, better china or crystal may be marketed as an estate sale, even if you’re alive and kicking. “Technically, an estate sale connotes that the owner is deceased; that’s the way it began,” says YMCA Foundation president Karin Gustafson. “Now the qualifier is value.” Premium Estate Liquidators, an auxiliary of the YMCA Foundation, has 40 professional volunteers (former appraisers, dealers and curators) who run sales in homes or combine estates for sales at their Airport Mall facility.

When the Y’s team is sent out to assess an “estate” but finds mediocre or damaged stuff, Gustafson says they advise the homeowner to hold a household or garage sale on their own. “People expect higher-end merchandise at our sales,” she explains. Indeed, regular customers request e-mail notification of the YMCA estate sales, which are attended by dealers as well as consumers.

McClure, whose sales are posted on the Web site www.appraisals4you.net, has also built a cult. But McClure says she can’t afford to handle a sale worth less than $1,200 to $1,500. “At that range, I’ll encourage people to hold their own garage sales,” she explains. If a customer is overwhelmed, McClure might refer them to a staff member who, if interested, will handle the project as a free-lancer. The homeowner pays the staff member directly on an hourly basis. 

Expect to pay the Y a 30 percent consignment fee (they also take estate sale donations). McClure charges 25 to 33 percent for standard homes (retirement home fees vary) and 10 percent for cars and boats.

Cookware, everyday dishes, flatware, knick-knacks, clothing, and low-to mid-priced furniture are typical garage sale fare. (Some tips: Price every item clearly, organize merchandise neatly, set everything on tables, not on the ground, and be sure it’s all clean.) “At garage sales, we keep linens in nice orderly stacks, and we display kitchen items as neatly as we can on counters and tables,” McClure says. “You should stage the home as much like real rooms as possible. That’s what sells; that’s why furniture stores set up rooms.”

Consignment stores, whether for-profit independents or those affiliated with local charities, are an option for housewares and linens when you don’t want strangers tramping through your home. Each store charges different commissions; check the contracts and days they’ll accept specific merchandise before you show up.

You might have a problem re-selling contemporary and reproduction furniture now that prices for new merchandise are half of what you would have paid seven years ago, says Bob Harris, owner of the 20,000-square-foot House of Lords in Osprey. The reason for the drastic price drop is offshore production, according to industry publication Furniture Today. Over 50 percent of furniture sold in the U.S. today (even top North Carolina brands) is now produced overseas—the lion’s share in China.

Still, House of Lords and other resellers are stocked to the brim, enough to be picky about what they’ll take. The inventory is the result of moves, downsizing and a lot of decorating mistakes, Harris explains.

Harris says lavish retirement homes have become increasingly attractive to Sarasota-area seniors, and when they downsize to move into these facilities, houseloads of furniture come in. “It’s a major, growing trend,” Harris says. “The sons and daughters tell us to get rid of the furniture; they’re interested in the money, the property and the land.”

Harris takes in art, china, silver—anything but clothing. The company pays 60 percent of the selling price back to the consignor and offers furniture pickup for a nominal fee. Remember, after 60 days you must pick up your merchandise, or it becomes the property of the store.

If you just want to get the stuff out of your house, Goodwill Industries and Habitat for Humanity will haul it out, often within 24 hours of receiving your call.